You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
