so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
