the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
tell me about the eggs
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
