Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
