How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
there's paper in my vomit.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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