I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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