there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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