If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
