im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
