We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
