My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
