i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
