just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
