I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Actions speak louder than pants.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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