she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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