the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
