My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
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you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
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I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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