my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
