right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
