Having a random hookup so left but love u
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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