Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
