These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
