So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Let's get the cat blown out
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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