i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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