I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
