Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
