Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
