I feel like I'm in dance class right now
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The power of my boobs compel you
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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