so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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