shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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