Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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