I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
