If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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