Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
