What a fucking waste of an outfit
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
