Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
