Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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