I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
