i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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