ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
