You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize