but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
