just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face