i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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