dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?