My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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