Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
