ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
