I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Your cock deserves a montage
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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