Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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