All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
