I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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