does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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