he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
