Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
