Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
