What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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