he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
