he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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