I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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