I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
